You’ve finally decided it’s time. You’ve been contemplating visiting that sex club you’ve learned about. You have had friends talk about it, your partner has discussed it, maybe you just learned and it’s that Friday night and you need something to do that changes your world for the ‘More Interesting?’
Whatever your reasons, if you’ve never been? There’s an etiquette for acting that is fairly universal at a sex club that is different from every other type of club.
This isn’t a strip club with extra steps.
This isn’t an adult movie theatre with additional options.
This is a bona fide sex club and it is going to require you to not act like a fool. Trust me. I watch people act like a fool and burn their chances on a regular basis. I work security at a swinger club and newbies are fairly regular these days with covid relaxing in America. We literally have, on average, about 4 new couples each weekend. The most I’ve seen so far was 7 new couples and on that night they were ALL brand new to the lifestyle AND to our club. It was a fun night!
It doesn’t matter what kind of club you visit, dungeon, swinger club, etc. If it’s a sex club, there are some basic sexiquettes that will help make your visit an enjoyable one.
If you don’t know the people you are interacting with, don’t touch them without asking.
Most people at these clubs are perfectly fine with being manhandled, groped, felt up and more, but only after being asked. Nobody really wants to be touched by someone they don’t like and you never know if you are someone they like unless you ask, or get to know them first.
It’s as simple as, “You are gorgeous/handsome, do you mind *gestures with hands*?”
You don’t have to go overboard with asking consent, you just have to ask consent.
Granted? If you want to go farther? Take your time and get to know them. That consent could lead you to a more interesting situation depending on what you, and they, are looking for.
If you show up to a club expecting to get lucky, you are bound to have a bad experience.
Yes. This is a sex club.
Yes. Everyone is (generally) there to have sex.
HOWEVER, not everyone is there (necessarily) to have sex with YOU.
There are people there to meet up with specific partners, some are there to meet people in real life that they’ve been talking with through apps or online, make new friends and create new friendships that might lead to new connections, or more.
There are even couples that aren’t in the lifestyle who don’t want to get a $100+ dollar hotel room. They’ve got kids, got a babysitter, they want live porn with the other club goers, access to a bed, and that’s it.
So don’t go on your first night and expect anything other than a relaxed meet and greet night. Plan to meet people, get to know as many as you can. Find out where people are meeting online, what Facebook groups, or Fetlife, or whatever apps they are using and what groups on those apps, and see if you can get an invite. This is how connections are forming these days.
But don’t expect to show up and blow up.
It’s possible. I’ve seen it happen. But it’s not the norm.
Every partnership at these clubs is different. Some people are in polycules, some are married couples, some are single, some are solo poly, some are immortal vampires, so you want to approach everyone respectfully. Ok, I made that last one up but my point still stands. Don’t approach and just aggressively pursue a fuck-fling. Take a minute and get to know some basics about this person you are interested in. Is there someone else you should be talking to first? Some spouses/poly-members prefer to be approached before EVER contacting their partner about potential playtime. Some spouses prefer to be the sole-wingman seeking out the potential partners and don’t care for anyone to approach their significant other at all.
I never said this was easy. Everyone has their own way of doing this, you’re gonna fuck it up on some level, I’m just trying to help you fuck it up the least damaging way possible.
Condoms. Dental Dams. Morning After Pills. Whatever you are most concerned about.
Nobody is out there worried about your sexual health as much as YOU should be.
This IS a sex club so MOST LIKELY you are dealing with people who test regularly, are healthy, and know their status. Which is ALSO why they MIGHT NOT be interested in taking on someone they don’t know. ( See Lowered Expectation above. ) You are an unknown. Walk in and grab someone's attention and then get to the right moment and suddenly show how clueless you are by NOT having condoms and you might find that party moment closing pretty quick.
But do everyone, yourself included, and get an STI/STD test before going. For YOUR knowledge and well-being as well. Ask the clinic to test you for EVERYTHING too, not just the standard. There are several STDs that they don’t test for because of their prevalence, like herpes. It’s so common that unless you ask? They don’t test. So ask!
I’m not saying to bring your test results? But would it hurt?
Ok. You are going to a sex club. And it’s your first time. And it’s exciting.
But trust me… If you act like a kid in a candy store? It’s going to paint that picture ALL OVER YOU… it’s ok to be excited, but don’t go overboard. Have fun, but be patient. Talk with people, have fun, have a few drinks if the club is drink friendly but DON'T GET DRUNK. You want to be able to go back and you can’t do that if you get banned. Just be patient.
This isn’t a strip club. This isn’t an adult movie theatre. The attendants at a sex club are there to strip beds, clean up, and look pretty. That’s it. The other customers aren’t there for your pleasure neither. If you happen to enjoy looking at them? Awesome! If they happen to enjoy you looking at them? Even better! But they DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING.
Be patient. Be cool. Do not act the fool.
Trust me, the fool gets banned.
In the fuckroom people are having fun. It’s fun to watch too. You know what isn’t fun? When you are in the middle of having sex and some stranger you don’t know decides to get right up next to you and blows your concentration which means you don’t get to blow your load. It’s some serious bullshit.
So keep your fucking distance. If you aren’t invited to join a party on the bed then don’t get within 6 feet of that bed, if you can help it.
This is one of the more simpler sexiquettes.
I served in the Marines… yeah, it was a million years ago… But I still remember the 3 S’s.
Shit. Shower. Shave.
Do those. Please. For everyone that will be in the same room with you when you get naked. ESPECIALLY for the person you are getting naked with. Clean that willy or va jay jay.
This is another of the more simple sexiquettes. It SHOULDN’T have to be said. Sadly, it does.
Ok. As someone that works at a swinger club, I deal with this one way too much.
If you want to chat? There is GENERALLY a chat area. I can also pretty much GUARANTEE you that area is NOT where people are having sex. So please don’t interrupt the sexy vibe, for those trying to enjoy themselves, by talking! If you can’t help yourself and you just HAVE to chat? Go outside, to the bar, to home, to the Library… I don’t really care. Just anywhere OTHER THAN where. people. are. having. sex.
At least I hope not… That would be WAY weird. But my point is, clean up after yourself. Yeah, there is most likely an attendant, but PLEASE don’t make them pick up your used condoms or your gum. Don’t. Just take a few moments after you are done with the bed and check everything, phone, watch, socks, underwear, earrings, etc.
Throw away anything that’s nasty and then head out.
You had fun, pick up after yourself, and move on out so the next couple can do so as well!
Super simple. Not that big of a deal.
Last, but not least, is the most important.
Tip your attendants. They are dealing with your sex-soaked sheets, left over condoms, those drinks you were NOT supposed to bring into the fuckroom, your advances, and more. I can guarantee you they are NOT making enough money doing what they do.
Leave them a tip. JUST the tip. Not your number, not a kiss, just a tip.
And yes… I get that I made an entendre. Sue me. It’s my blog. I’m a pervert.
After a night at the sex club, whether you’ve gotten lucky or not, I’m willing to bet you will have had a good time. There are not many clubs where you can watch people have sex, see that many people completely naked, nor discuss sex so freely. It’s quite liberating actually… or at least it is for me.
But there comes that fateful hour where you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay there.
Hopefully you’ve got some new Facebook friends, found a new group to join on Kik or Mewe, and are already texting a new hottie or two. If not, there’s always next time.
I’ll advise you to not give up if your first night is a complete bust.
Having worked at a swinger club for awhile and been a patron for years, my wife and I both, I can tell you honestly that I’ve seen party nights that were just dead and party nights that made debauchery look tame. Give it a second and a third go. Find out what theme nights are coming up and ask the owner, staff, or patrons, what the best parties to visit are and then come on those nights next time.
I’m not gonna promise that you will have fun, I’m not gonna promise that you’ll get laid, and I’m not gonna promise that it’ll be fun. You might just be someone that doesn’t fit into this lifestyle. But if you can follow the sexiquette I list out here? I can tell you that your chances of having fun and finding a fun partner, or partners even, will go up exponentially.
Go out there… check out that club… Find what you are looking for…
I’ll be working security at mine every Saturday from 8pm to 2am.
Peace, Love and Sexiquette
p.s. Before you leave, I would love to know if you've visited a sex club before? Fill out the form and let me know a little about the visit?